so this last birthday I turned 40...EEP!!!
About five years ago I got the impression I wouldn't live to see 40 if I didn't get my weight under control. I tried some more on my own and then it became imperative to get help, medical intervention was sought and the surgery scheduled.
So here I am at 40 alive and in better shape than I have been ever in my life. Not that I don't still have weight to lose or the need to tone and cardio train some more but I am healthy.
It is not only because of the weight loss I am alive. the weight loss has me here physically and not in the middle of a health crisis of some sort. The whole process of losing the weight, of the the things that led up to the surgery and in accepting help to lose the weight helped me to start getting beyond those things that would have had my life end either by my own devices or by my own stupidity.My life had been stalled for many years and it took some doing but I finally got it moving again and not only that but moving forward. Casting off some of the beliefs of the past, some of my paradigms ( spelling? spell check is not helping me so someone please let me know the correct spelling. Thanks to whoever it was that left the correct spelling in the comments) changing the window of reference so to speak to figure out what I was what i wanted was the beginning. took a lot of practice still practicing in fact. Still changing my paradigms and at times not just the window of reference but the entire building that window is in. What is I want? not to sound selfish but truly how can one be happy if one does not go after what one wants? so what do I want? To not be alone. To live life. To enjoy it guilt free. To help others. And have some security or stability. So how does one get that? still working on that. But the one thing I do know is isolation and seclusion is not the way to not be alone. I am a pack animal I guess. I am happiest when I am with others maybe not a huge group but when I am doing with at least one other person. I think too much and when I am alone that increases and as it increases so does my loneliness/depression. I need connection. I learned that very strongly with Ike.
So my plans for the next 40? To live life guilt free. Most importantly to live experience all that life has to offer me to try new things to let go and shout from the rooftops.
2 comments:
the spelling is "paradigm"
Cool! Sounds like you're on the right path!! :)
xoxo
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