What Dreams May Come

Well, I am almost there! I now have the pre-surgery picture where I can get at it for posting here BUT for whatever reason I am not succeeding at it yet. UGH!! I get it to download and then my computer freezes up and I am unable to save it or post it. BUT it is progress and I will figure it out before too long!
Today is my birthday so I am in a reflective mood but unlike years past it is not a bad reflection. I do have some regrets over the past year of things I have not managed well or gotten done in the way I would have hoped for but there has been much accomplished and there is much to celebrate this year. So for the first time in maybe 30 years it truly is a Happy Birthday. :) Not that I put much stock (or any) in horoscopes but thought mine for today was interesting...
TODAY'S BIRTHDAY (Oct. 15). Your mission: nonstop improvement. It's a transforming year. November features a hot job for which you are extremely well-suited. The glamour puts you in the mood for holiday amour! At the start of 2007, you're able to help those who've helped you in the past -- a wonderful feeling. You feel especially comfortable with Virgo and Capricorn people. Lucky numbers are: 8, 30, 22, 36 and 3.
Yup! That would be my mission! Nonstop improvement. And if the last year has been transforming even a little I fully expect that the next year will be even more so.
The past year with the surgery, of course has brought lots of changes, but it wasn't just the surgery and the weight loss that brought changes. I will readily admit that the surgery was a major catalyst in changes that happened. However, several other things that were also part of the transformation of the past year. A major one being the therapy I been under going for the past couple of years, the progress made at the end of 2005 in dealing with events in the past really helped to put the present and future in their rightful places and perspectives. Plus, in the on going therapy since dealing with my fear of failure... No, not fear of failure but my fear of success and what that would mean to be able to take dreams out of dream territory and actually at least try for getting them because I had had success in one area and knew that it was possible and then what if I failed at them? My thinking has been At least if I keep them dreams they will always be there if I take them out and try and fail well they become failures and nothing but a regret. Now my thinking is becoming if I take them out and try and fail well I try again and then at least I no longer have the regret of not trying and if I succeed well WOW! SO some of my dreams have been taken out and dusted off and I am trying to figure out how to move forward with them. One of those dreams is to complete a marathon before my 40th year is over. Strange as it may sound even as I was spiraling out of control with weight gains that brought me to where I could no longer see a future of any worth and a very short future at that I still had this dream of doing a marathon. Now in less than 3 months I will be completing a half marathon and as for a full marathon?There are still a few years before I turn 40 so... I will make that decision after the half is completed but yes, I do believe I will be doing the full marathon in 2008 and if I decide not to and stick with half marathons? Well, that is O.K. I never would have thought that a half marathon would be possible or that I would be excited about it and looking forward to it like I am. It was one of those dreams that was impossible that now is possible! One of my favorite showtunes has always been from Don Quiote "To dream the impossible dream". Actually, that may not be the name of it but you know the one I mean. I always liked it because it was full of hope and power and that was how I wanted to feel--hopeful and powerful. And that is how I feel now hopeful and powerful. What a transformation it has been! So if this past year has been one of transformation then I am really looking forward to the next year of transformation!
Another song comes to mind when I think aboutthe past year... a Jimmy Buffet tune. "Changes in Attitudes, Changes in Lattitudes" I tihnk because that has been a defining change in my life the past couple of years. My attitude has completely changed. I no longer except things to make peace for everyone else. Sometimes I still do but mostly I stasnd up for myself and I am learnign to take care of me. I am learning that I am worth taking care of. Not only that but if I take care of myself I can better help others. All of this shows in my outward appreance I am more likely nowadays to be concerned about the things I wear (not that vanity is good but pride in ones appreance is not bad), I walk taller, I sit straighter ( this is tough and I lapse more often than not but it is something I am working on) and I smile much more than I ever did. The smiles are not just ones that stop with the mouth they are true, entire face smiles. They are smiles of the countenance!
Hopefully tonight I will be able to get those pictures posted but if not...soon..I promise!