What's Up?

Well. let's see...what all has been going on...? Lots! And then again...nothing!
I already blogged about getting registered for the half marathon so I will just add here that training is going well though I am now getting worried about it all. Kind of a "What in the world did I do?" reaction. My self sabbotaging thoughts of there is absolutely no way I am going to be ready to do this in January so why am I even bothering? Thankfully since I am registered I flatly refuse to give up and quit. I paid my money and gosh darn it all I am doing it! Think I am letting the ultimate task scare and overwhelm me just a bit? SO I have been forcing myself to take a step back and look at the day to day and not the ultimate goal, to remember I am not training to finish it I am training to start it once I start it there is no other choice but to finish it one way or the other. Is that really a step back? Seems to me a step back would show the whole enchilada whereas I am maybe taking a step forward and focus on the here and now not the ultimate goal? hmm... either way I am changing my focus back to what I am able to control or influence! Jan 14th will come all on its own and on that day I will be walking/running(maybe a little?) in the half marathon so that is the constant or the given.What I do with my 4 months before that I can influence and control so it is back to the day to day and week to week focus. NOT looking ahead so far as to the finish line and freaking myself out!
The other cool stuff going has been progress in personal matters. Clothes are becoming a frustration for me because I get new things and wear them once or twice and then they don't fit anymore. Which is fun but frustrating too! :) I have become a much more happy version of myself though this is not just due to the surgery and weight loss but also due to the counseling progress that has been occuring. Amazing how being able to deal with all the crap from your past can help you to be happier. Of course this is not a total truth. While I am a happier version of me I am not finished with the negative self talk and self sabbotaging ways as evidenced in the previous paragraph. I am much better though. I recognize when I am doing it not that do much to stop it yet at least I recognize it. NO that's not true I do fight it a bit and actually to some sucess too.
I will hoipefully be getting my measurements taken tomorrow and will get those posted then. I am also still working on the pre-op photo and hopefully will find my camera so I can develope my photos from that day. Plus there is a cool current photo I need to get on a disk so I can post it here too. So coming soon, hopefully, more photos!